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Fixing HTML is awesome, and it makes me think of zefrank. No, it's awesome because it makes me think of zefrank. God, I miss zefrank. During the zefrank era, I was working on Firefox. At least in my corner of the Mozilla developer community, when someone came into IRC and said the magic words "zefrank is up," no work of any kind got done for the next 3 minutes.

Let's watch the monkey dance
Anti-intellectualism
Make fun of the South of France
Anti-intellectualism

Good times.

Anyway, Fixing HTML's awesomeness is like the awesomeness of a 5-year old when they come up to you on Sunday morning and announce, out of the blue, that they have a foolproof plan to end all wars ever. "Just be nice to each other!" they say, immediately before tripping over the toy Woody doll -- which you bought at a yard sale and has ironically followed exactly the same trajectory as the make-believe toy Woody doll in the movie that invented the toy Woody doll -- and spilling their Cheerios all over the dog. And you want to just pat them on the head and say "Well, it's a little more complicated than that," but you can't say that to a 5-year old because it'll destroy their wonderfully naive child-mind and eat away at their soul and discourage them from sharing the actually good ideas they get when they grow up. So you give them a hug and say, "You have a good heart" or some other platitude that makes them feel better about themselves without acknowledging that they are, in fact, only 5, and then get on to the important business of mopping the dog.

I found these balls, they're made of brass
This little bathtub smells like ass
Look! A see-through wall of glass!
Anti-intellectualism

The difference, of course, is that Crockford should understand that things are a little more complicated than that, but the ideas that he thinks are good enough to announce to the world are no better than the ideas a 5-year old has before breakfast. "No more iframes! No more document.write!" he declares, blissfully unaware that his employer's home page uses both. "Strict entity parsing!" he demands... in a page with unescaped ampersands. "UTF-8 is the One True Encoding!" he proclaims boldly... in a page that declares itself as ISO-8859-1. "No more javascript: URLs! In fact, let's replace Javascript altogether! And I'll be back to talk about CSS!" It just goes on and on, the awesomeness gradually swelling until it all folds back on itself like a Möbius strip of self-parody. It's the Bolero of trolls. Everything he claims is secure isn't, and everything he claims would increase security wouldn't. Everything he wants to add to HTML would make it worse, and everything he wants to remove would also make it worse. Please, please tell me he's shooting the moon to make the worst proposal ever. It just doesn't make sense any other way, at least not from anyone older than 5.

I bet this bike goes really fast!
Oh, and Joel, kiss my ass!
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Did I mention that I miss zefrank? He could fix my HTML any day.

(Are the new viewers gone yet?)

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